Grief touches most people at some point, whether from the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or a sudden shift in expectations about the future. Understanding how the mind processes that pain can help individuals move through it without feeling adrift.
How the Stages of Grief Are Defined
The classic model of loss was introduced by Elisabeth Kübler‑Ross and David Kessler, outlining five sequential phases. Later, Kessler added a sixth element that focuses on deriving purpose from the experience. The five original stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance; the sixth emphasizes meaning.
People do not necessarily travel through the stages in a straight line. Some may linger in one phase while skimming past another, and it’s common to revisit earlier stages after feeling “over” a loss. The model is meant as a guide, not a rigid timetable.
According to a Harvard Business Review interview with Kessler, the added stage invites survivors to ask how the loss can inform future choices. That reflective step can turn pain into a catalyst for change, though it does not erase the earlier emotions.
Variability in the process explains why two friends coping with the same event might act in opposite ways. One may appear calm while the other cycles through anger and sadness repeatedly. The model helps explain those differences without assigning blame.
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Advice for Those Working Through Loss
Practical steps can make the abstract stages feel more manageable. First, identify what you’re feeling and which stage seems most present. Self‑awareness provides a reference point for seeking help.
Next, look to trusted contacts—friends, family members, or a therapist. Sharing the burden often lightens it, and hearing another perspective can clarify where you are in the cycle.
Professional resources are also available. Many states run lawyer‑assistant programs (LAP) that maintain directories of grief counselors. The ABA offers an online list of such programs for those who need a referral.
- Note the source of your grief and the stage you suspect you’re in.
- Reach out to a supportive person or group; don’t wait for the “right” moment.
- Consider a local grief support group or a licensed mental‑health clinician for deeper work.
In workplaces, coworkers often wonder how to respond when a colleague suffers a loss. The simplest act is to be present—no need for perfect words, just an acknowledgement that you’re there.
Awkward silences can feel more uncomfortable than a brief, sincere check‑in, so offering a brief note or a quick coffee invitation usually beats avoidance.
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One practical observation: the feeling can feel oddly comforting when shared with someone who truly listens. That shared vulnerability can reinforce bonds, a point highlighted by the animated film Inside Out, which shows how sadness can deepen connections.
In practice, these steps mean that a person grieving a divorce, for example, might first note the stage of denial, then call a trusted friend, and later attend a support group recommended by a state LAP office. The process is iterative, not linear.
Employers who notice an employee’s reduced productivity after a loss can offer flexible schedules or refer them to the company’s employee‑assistance program. Such gestures acknowledge the reality of grief without demanding immediate “normalcy.”
Ultimately, grief is a normal response to significant change, and while it can be uncomfortable, it also signals that the individual is processing an event that matters. The stages provide a map, and the suggested actions supply tools for handling the terrain.